I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
