he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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