Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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