I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
