My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
