In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
