I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
