i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
