my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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