when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
