I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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