She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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