she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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