when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just googled if crying burns calories
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
