We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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