I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
