Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
