Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
