I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So gin and wine won't be happening again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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