I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
