I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found your dick twin last night
you had me at cake vodka
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
