We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
