I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
