I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Barsexuality is the new black.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He has the fingertips of a God
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