I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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