I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
