we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
