I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
