This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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