she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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