Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
