My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
