The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
