Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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