Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
