Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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