I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
