I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
