is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
