i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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