??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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