JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need a beard to bite.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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