ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
