Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't deserve a penis
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
