She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
