Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
