Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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