I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
