Cold hands, warm shart.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
