tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
