I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
