david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
