rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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