if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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