But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
