You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
