We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
