I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
