It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
