your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
