Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
