My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
