Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
