we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
