After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need moral support for this bender
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
