we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
