I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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