it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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