She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
