Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
