How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
