She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
