Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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