and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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