I smell stomach acid.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
